Trusting -- When the Path Ahead is Foggy

Imagine yourself stopped behind a loooooooong line of traffic on a crowded highway. A policeman raps on your window and informs you that the bridge ahead has collapsed and you will need to turn around and find an alternate route and then he gives you directions telling you where to go to find another way. Do you a)tell him he's crazy and doesn't know what he's talking about and that you're going to keep going the way you want to go because it's the only way to get where you want to go OR b)keep questioning him and asking him if he's sure the bridge is out and that maybe he should go back and check and see if perhaps he was wrong OR c)trust that he knows what he is talking about and turn around and follow the directions that he's given you. Hopefully, most of us would choose c as our answer, but how many times do we choose a or b when communicating with the Father who sees and knows ALL things. He always has our best interests in mind, and He is always there to hold our hand and guide us even when it's along a path that seems to be going in the opposite direction of where we think we want to go. As I grow in Him and come to know Him more, my trust is growing deeper and even though sometimes I still doubt and struggle with trusting, I can look at the past and see the times that He had a different plan in mind than my own and I am reminded that His plan was so much better than my own. In my mind, I've set up memorial stones just as God had the Israelites do to remember His faithfulness. These help to remind me of His faithfulness when my doubts and fears overwhelm me. He sees the whole picture - past, present, and future - and knows completely what is best for me. Lord, please help me to choose to trust You especially at the times that it is hardest. Thank You for your faithfulness in the past and Your promised faithfulness for the future! Help me to trust You at the times that I just want to charge ahead even though You've set up warnings for me to be cautious and perhaps even to turn back. You are so faithful and loving and kind and totally in control!

Little Red Riding Hood

We all remember hearing the story of Little Red Riding Hood and thinking that the little girl was so foolish for trusting the wolf and not seeing him for who he really was. Have you ever wondered if perhaps the author of this story was trying to get a message across? In the past few weeks, I've been reading some of Francine Rivers biblical historical fiction about men and women of the Bible. It's fascinating and very intriguing. It has really helped me to see the people of the Bible in a real way rather than "just a Bible story character." They were real people living life just like us. In reading about these people, I've come to see that people are really just the same as they've always been. We still have weaknesses and blind spots and most importantly we are still desperately in need of the grace and mercy of our God. When our eyes are taken off our God--the one true God--and His strength, we lose our perspective and are unable to see clearly. When we see the wolf as just a nice guy who we meet along our walk of life and not a ferocious beast who is eager to devour us, we are on the path to disaster. That wolf in the story only had one objective in mind -- have Little Red Riding Hood for lunch! However, he was cunning enough to know how to lure her in little by little so as not to scare or alarm her. Are we being lured in little by little to the trap of the enemy? Are we viewing him as just a harmless creature that really poses no threat? As long as we keep doing the nice little Christian thing by going to church, singing our praise songs, reading our assigned Bible readings, and so on and so forth, just like Little Red Riding Hood just continued to proceed on her way to Grandmother's house to deliver her goodies, do we think that the enemy will just sit idly by and watch what we are doing with no thought of harm against us? Perhaps we need to be on our guard a bit more and instead of just skipping along the nice and comfortable path of life, we need to return home to the Father who knows that our enemy is big and bad and dangerous beyond our imagination. He desires to protect us, but if we don't listen to His warnings, it's kind of hard to stay under His protective wings. Oh, Father, please open our eyes to the cunning ways of the enemy so that we can see and flee from them! Help us not to be blind to his crafty and oftentimes seemingly harmless ways. Open our eyes so that we can see clearly and be on our guard and also that we may see You for who You truly are as well! Not someone who has given us rules to make our lives boring and dull, but Someone who sees the greater picture and can give us guidelines to stay protected through the journey of life. Thank You for Your love and Your patience with us as Your children! Help us to guard our hearts and minds on a daily if not moment by moment basis. Thank You for your desire to protect us and keep us safe in the shelter of Your arms. Help us not to turn our noses up or to fall prey to the trap of thinking that we don't need Your protection because we're "strong Christians." Lord, we are weak and frail and in desperate need of You every moment of every day!

The Flood Gates Open

We have so much to be thankful for each day. First and formost we need to give praise and thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ for all that He provided for us this semester. I still am in awe of how God continually transforms our lives. Consistantly we prayed for God's provision for this semester. Some days we felt like hope would eveade our every effort. God just kept telling us to trust Him nevertheless. Through odd jobs, a yard sale, and the many blessings of friends we kept getting closer each day to what seemed an unreachable goal. God being the God of miracles ansered our prayers in full the other day.
I went in to pay more money on our bill the other day and something strange happened. The person in charge of students accounts wouldn't accept my money. I ask her why and she informed me that the bill had been covered already. I didn't believe her. So I tried again, but she persisted that the bill was paid in full by an anonymous donor. I couldn't believe it. Completely shocked I walked away rather dumbfounded after I thanked her for the good news. God simply laid it on someone's heart to support a student going into the ministry. I give God all the glory for the blessings poured out on us this past week.
Secondly I want to give thanks to all of you who have continually supported us whether it is a monthly gift, one time gift or simply all your prayers. Each of you are a blessing to us and we love and appreciate everyone of you. God continually teaches the act of trusting in Him. Thank you for allowing God to use you to bless us in my schooling and the ministries that we both are a part of.
God opens doors for us everyday to encourage many of the young people here on campus. We also participate in the college ministry at our church. Presently God has given us a passion for ministering to college students. Even though they are on a Christian college campus, many of them wrestle with some really heavy junk. God opens many doors for us to lift up and encourage them.
Rachel and I are truly blessed to be here at Johnson. We are both learning a lot about who we are in Christ, how to love as Christ loves, and to take the focus off of ourselves and trust in Him moment by moment. Thank you all for being a part of this journey.

Spiritual Genogram – My Spiritual Family Tree

What’s that you ask? Well, it’s not something that I had heard of either before working as the secretary at the Johnson Bible College Counseling Center. The grad students are required to do a regular genogram (extensive and intensive family tree) and then for one class they are also required to graph out a spiritual genogram. Well, I really didn’t give any thought to it until this morning. For the past month or so the Lord has been waking me up in the early hours to spend time with Him and this morning was one of those mornings. Well, as I was praying and the Lord was beginning to reveal to me a lesson that He has been teaching me on contentment (another former post), I began to think about all those who have contributed to my life spiritually over the years because this lesson began with a prayer that one of you had prayed for me about 5 years ago (that I would have a heart of contentment). As my heart was contemplating these things, I began to realize that the Lord has truly blessed me with a very rich spiritual family tree. Of course, first of all, my parents were the ones to plant the first seeds in my spiritual life with their prayers and example of loving Jesus and loving me in a way to direct me towards loving Jesus. Then, from the very beginning, starting with the pastor who prayed the prayer of dedication when I was a baby, and moving through until now, there have been so many who have enriched my life and pointed me towards Jesus in ways that perhaps they haven’t even been aware of. So I am writing this to thank you for being an instrument that the Lord has used to help to mold and make me into who I am today. Some of you were there when I was very young, some of you when I was in those tumultuous middle school and high school years, some during my years of young adulthood (not that I’m out of that stage yet :)), and some presently, and for Mom and Dad who have been there through it all -- THANK YOU! I know that they say “in ministry” that you may never know the impact that you’ve had on someone until you reach heaven, but I also know that it is nice to know that some of your hard work, tears, and prayers have been effective now when your heart needs encouragement here on earth. You are appreciated and encouraged to keep loving Jesus in a way that encourages others to do the same. As Mark, my husband, studies in the preaching/church leadership program here at Johnson Bible College, I have come to the realization that I may have the opportunity to have an impact on other's lives as you’ve impacted mine and that has made my appreciation for you and how you have allowed God to work in your lives more real to me. This is a responsibility that neither Mark nor I take lightly, and so if the Lord happens to bring us to your minds, please just pray that we would always remain close to the Lord and that we would grow in our love for Him and each other and those that He calls us to minister to. May God bless each one of you today and everyday!

Contentment -- A lesson not easily learned (Rachel)

What does it mean to be content – truly content? This is something that I’ve struggled with consciously and subconsciously for a long time! However, it is a lesson that the Lord has been gently teaching me probably all of my life, but more specifically in the past five or so years. About 5 years ago, a godly pastor prayed for my heart to be content. At the time, I was a bit resentful thinking “he doesn’t even understand what I’m going through and the difficulties that I face right now.” However, this morning in the early hours (2:30 am to be specific), the Lord finally allowed the scales to come off of my eyes so that I could see that His desire is not for all the circumstances of my life to make me content, but that in the midst of difficult and sometimes very frustrating circumstances to find my contentment in Him. For a long time, I thought that in order to be content I had to stuff down how I was feeling about certain situations and pretend to enjoy and be happy and I struggled and struggled to try and do this. However, this morning He has helped me to begin to see that even though I don’t like certain situations and/or circumstances, He desires for me to be content in Him meaning that I trust Him and His hand in my circumstances. When my heart is not content, I am saying to Him that He is not trustworthy with the events of my life. When I am content with Him even in difficult times, I am saying “God, I trust You and what You are doing in and through me in this circumstance. You have been, are now, and always will be trustworthy with the circumstances of my life.” Thank You, Jesus, for loving me enough to allow circumstances in my life to be sometimes difficult so that I can learn to trust You in them. Thank You for being more concerned with my character and molding me into Your image than in my desire to be happy and have everything go my way. Lord, You are so good and merciful and patient and faithful! I cannot praise You enough! You are worthy of so much more, but I offer You my heart and my life. Please help me as I continue to learn this lesson of being content in You. I realize that this may be a lifelong struggle, but I know that You are always right beside me through my struggles. I love You, Jesus!

Peeling The Layers

This morning I woke up later that usual yet earlier than I desired. God usually has something to tell us when we have these moments. Many of you know that I have struggled with my weight my whole life. The core of all the weight I gained consisted of eating fast food, extremely large portions, and not exercising. By the time I married Rachel I weighed 427 pounds. We knew that this was unhealthy and something needed to be done. We tried many diets. We tried exercising but would fall short frustrating our efforts. We prayed long and hard seeking God what He desired for our lives. What He laid on our hearts has transformed our lives. To make a Shrek reference This journey is like peeling an onion. God is peeling off the layers.

The first layer to go consisted I change in our thinking about what food is. Food had become a god to me. Whenever anger overwhelmed me I hit Wendy's, Burger King, or Taco Bell. The same thing happened during depression, fear, frustration, or even for celebration. Eating what I wanted and how much I wanted is exactly what I lived for. It became a wall between my relationship with God, and sometimes between my relationship with others. I started to recognize this as a spiritual battle. The focus on food had to change. After the diets didn't work we decided this cannot be I diet to quickly lose weight so that we look better. It needs to be an attitude shift to becoming healthier. Changing my thoughts from "What are we going to eat next," to "How can I honor God," became the battle cry. Beginning with the expulsion of Carbonated beverages the first ten pounds were shed in a matter of weeks.

For the next layer we peeled off the white carbs and changed everything over to whole grain wheat carbs for everything. This was the first major taste bud adjustment. After a few months of this we got used to the new flavor and actually enjoy it far better than any white pasta or bread. At this point we started to notice that we did not feel as lethargic after we ate.

Once the white carbs were abolished we noticed that there are a lot of chemicals and preservatives added into most of the foods we still ate. For example frozen pizza (even the "whole grain" thin crust), most meat such as bacon, sausage, yes even turkey sausage, hamburger, etc. These foods we needed to be weened off of because they were such a part of our regular diet. This took a number of months to get used to. At times I felt like we were running out of food that we could eat. Of course fruits and vegetables made their grand entrance at this point.

Salads, stir fry (Cooked in Olive Oil, not vegetable oil), Steamed fresh vegetables, fresh fruit (no more canned goods), all took precedence over this meat and potatoes lifestyle. At first I felt a little weak, but the more natural foods we ate the more energy we had. Stress had been prevalent in our lives at this point and Rachel started having stomach problems.

This was a tumultuous time in our lives because everything Rachel would try to eat upset her stomach. This took us to and extremely restricted diet (especially for Rachel) of Fruits, vegetables, and buckwheat pancakes for protein. This became a consistent challenge for many months. I was still eating beans, rice, pastas, and oatmeal. Through all of this we constantly sought God for strength and direction. After visiting the chiropractor we discovered the root of Rachel's stomach problems. After a month of getting her back adjusted her stomach problems became less and less. She was able to eat foods other than the fruit, vegetable, buckwheat diet. We were over joyed to have a piece of Chicken again, or even a whole wheat biscuit. Beans and rice made their way back into both of our diets. Once in a while we even go out to a restaurant. This brings us to the layer that we are working on peeling away from the onion of gluttony.

Portion sizes, are a tough layer to peel away. I now desire to honor God with everything that I eat, but even healthy food taken in by unhealthy amounts is still sinful and gluttonous. I still struggle to keep myself from going back for seconds and thirds. My struggle with food came to a head this week as I had a flare up of gout in my big toe. It enlarged to double its normal size and the pain was almost unbearable. I compensated how I walked all week making my previously sprained ankle swell back up to the point that I could barely walk on Friday.

This weekend I stayed off of my foot most of Saturday as well as most of today. God is constantly teaching me how to rely on Him for strength to battle this addiction to overeating. Especially when I am not in pain. I weighed in yesterday at 309 pounds, a weight I haven't seen since my early high school days. I thought wow we are victorious. Then God reminded me that I'm not out of the woods yet, and the victory belongs to Him.

So my prayer this week is that God will continue to help me humble myself before Him and to lean on His strength moment by moment whether I am in pain or not in pain. Whether I eat or drink or whatever I do may it all be done to the glory of God, 1Corinthians 10:31. I took a look at Romans 7 today that prompted these thoughts and prayers. I pray that whatever any of us do whether we are eating, drinking, talking, or interacting with others, we can remember that Christ is the only one who can deliver us from the bondage of our own sins. May Paul's words bring you all encouragement today.

Hollow Man

pride rides my back like a gargoyle
while an angelic voice calls me back w/ gentle rebuke
w/ hunger pains & watery tongue I run
to dance w/ my demon
giving another foothold for the enemy to climb
my angelic love struggles
pulling me up the hill
in a cart I fill w/ sin
it flows like a rushing mill
she labors in doubt
as my heart cries out
for a host to help from above
come invade my raid
release me from these glutton's shackles
tear down these prison walls
knock me out of the cart
help me to rejoin my union
never again to pull the cart alone
gluttoness demons lose their grip
slipping away to their hunger pit
Angels rejoice to the victory at hand
as Jesus still loves this Hollow Man

- Mark A. Behr
9-6-09